I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
