Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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