and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
