I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
