I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
