So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
