anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
