and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
