He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
