Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
