you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
