I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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