I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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