I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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