Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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