I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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