you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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