and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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