she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
