You just made me feel so damn special
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
