your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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