I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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