Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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