i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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