it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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