Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
