Where are you?
In a non slutty way
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
