forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
