my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
