Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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