you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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