I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
