im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
