so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
bring money and cleavage
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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