If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
