Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
