I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
