my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How does it feel to date your dad?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
