Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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