It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
