I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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