we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize