I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
