I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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