Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I could make wine with my vomit
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
