You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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