did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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