I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i barfeds in our rink
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
