I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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