Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
