If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
