I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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