Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
