she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
