i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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