i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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