so that wasnt chicken after all
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
