Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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