at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
