he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize