oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
whose ass print is on the piano?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
