Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
