dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
