it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A+ Viking dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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