I didn't shave. On purpose
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh god it's open bar.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
