the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm jealous of your bromance
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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