For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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