Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
