Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
