Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
