Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He felt like a one man threesome
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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