im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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